So, my story is getting kind of boring.
I have had this idea for a long time but wasn’t sure about it. See, I really want this site to be interactive. I want to hear about you more than I want to talk about me. This site began as a way for me to vent all my feelings as I went through my second miscarriage and as a way to spread the word about the remarkable recovery from infertility that I experienced through diet and supplements so others could get their happy ending. Well, I have vented (and vented) and will continue to as events unfold in my own journey. I want to hear from others more, though, and I want BabyStruggles to be a community of individuals who can relate and encourage one another through the ups and downs of realizing our dreams of motherhood. I want others to be able to share their success stories because what works for some of us may not for all of us but had it not been for a message board that I stumbled upon nearly 7 years ago I may not have had my own miracle children. I dream of BabyStruggles being a place where others will find the information that they need to make their desires a reality the same way I did. I desire a place where we can uplift one another spiritually as fellow Believers or love and encourage those who are not.

I just set the board up today and I’m publicly stating at this moment that I am in no way knowledgeable about operating a message board so please bear with me as we make it work! Please take a minute and join, though, so we can build it. You will find the link in the sidebar…kind of far down until I can figure out how to move it up some. I look forward to building community with you!

Boy, did we need that! Our vacation was absolutely wonderful despite the fact that AF DID make her ugly appearance the day that we left just as scheduled. I was determined not to let that spoil the week for us, though, and for the most part I didn’t. I tried to soak up every bit of peace and tranquility that surrounded me. We aren’t exactly “beach people”. My husband and I are about the fairest skinned people you may ever meet and I can’t stand going to the beach during “swimsuit competition season”. Obviously we aren’t sunbathers or anything, but the beauty and power of the sea draws us to it, nonetheless. Because of our distaste for typical beach culture, we like to go in the off season and we prefer the remote beaches of Cape Hatteras on the Outer Banks of NC. So that’s where we have been for the past week and neither one of us wanted to come back home.

I want to thank each of you who commented on my last post. You have no idea the impact that your encouraging words and prayers have on my heart. My eyes nearly always fill with tears as I read through the comments, especially from those who are struggling right along with me. Please know that you are in my prayers as well.

While enjoying a moment of solitude on the upper deck of our beach house overlooking the Atlantic Ocean one afternoon this song came on my Ipod. It’s been on there for a long time after I downloaded the whole album a year or so ago and I’ve always liked the song, but it spoke to me in a new way that day. Rather than going into how I’m feeling these days, I will let the song say it for me. I was pleased to find this version of it because it had so much beach imagery and made it just perfect. Here it is…

Obviously, my posts have been few and far between and I apologize for that. Problem is, that I just don’t know where to go with all of this anymore. More and more in my spirit I am going back to where I was a few posts ago after the Estrobalance made me so sick. I think He is just saying “no” and yet I let this circumstance or that one push me back into the pursuit instead of surrendering completely.

We really gave it our best shot this month. My husband wants another one (or two) and so I started out the month ready to oblige. We also have a vacation coming up next week that has been planned for months and wouldn’t you know it…AF is due the day we leave. That gave us even more motivation to succeed! I never could really agree with the book I spoke about in the last post. It just doesn’t line up for me. I was really rubbed the wrong way with the “ordering up” of children before conception down to what kind of eye and hair color/texture they would have as well as the sex. I just can’t see my dear LORD as a heavenly vending machine. Now, that may seem like a harsh criticism and I know that I am oversimplifying what the author stated, but that’s just how it comes across to me and makes it difficult for me to get past it. On the other hand, I have learned the art of “chewing up the meat and spitting out the bones” and I have to admit that I did feel that it spoke to me in some areas of my life and I was changed a bit by it. The month started out hopeful that with my new positive outlook that I had received through remembering that children are a gift from God and are His idea and His will and that my desires were God-given, that we were going to succeed even without the Estrobalance. It’s not looking like I did, though. Maybe I just didn’t do enough “confessing”. I don’t know.

So, I am off to the beach in a couple of days to spend a week enjoying the gifts that have already been given and putting this behind me for now. I really do have so much in my life. I don’t know why I think I need more.