I have to admit that I don’t know how much to update this blog now. I had really slowed down when we were moving beyond ttc and now that I find myself actually expecting again I am unsure how much to put here about my pregnancy. After all, I know how painful it can be to hear the details of pregnancy when you are healing from a miscarriage or struggling through infertility. I did feel, though, that a few of you that have “gotten to know me” through this blog a bit over the last couple of years may want to know that this baby continues to grow and an ultrasound last week allowed us to find out that we are having another little girl…now we are even with 2 boys and 2 girls.

For some reason, I don’t get email anymore informing me of new comments. My dh put a super filter on my email account and I imagine that is what stopped them and I’m not tech savvy enough to go in and fix it so I’m truly sorry that I’m so slow to respond to new comments. I’m not purposely ignoring anyone…I promise!

Oh, and in response to a recent comment and because I was not clear in my posts, I thought I would say that we did not use our usual protocol to conceive this baby. She was a completely unexpected surprise. She will be my first baby born, LORD willing, that was conceived completely spontaneously (without any help) since 15 years ago when I conceived my first. I’m not sure why she seems to be thriving while the last 3 went home unless it is from the progesterone cream and the red raspberry leaf capsules that I continue to take. I was taking them a couple of other times after conceiving but stopped after reading that they shouldn’t be used during the first trimester especially if you have a history of miscarriage. This time, though, I read in a book called The Naturally Healthy Pregnancy by Shonda Parker that she kept miscarrying until she used red raspberry leaf and then she went on to carry her babies full term. I took my chances and stayed on them this time as well as using Progest progesterone cream 1/2 tsp. at 9:00am and at 9:00 pm until 13 weeks where I weaned down to 1/4 tsp at each time. I did that for a week and then went down to 1/4 tsp evening time only. I’m still doing that just to be safe.

On a spiritual note, I do feel like the LORD began preparing me a bit for this pregnancy right before I conceived. I was truly past this…really! I was just moving right along with life and did not see any more babies in my future AND I was okay with that. The month I conceived I felt like I was getting drawn back into thoughts about pregnancy and I realized that I was terrified to become pregnant again! I felt like I needed to let that go…the fear and so I would find myself periodically telling myself, “I am not afraid to get pregnant”. I thought it was strange to find myself back in those thoughts but after I missed my period that month it began to make some sense.

The first trimester was so difficult for me…I can’t even describe how scared I was. I really thought I would lose this baby. A few friends knew that we knew would hold us up in prayer but we didn’t tell any family…not even our children. Friends would give me maternity clothes or baby items and I would take them home and cry because I really didn’t think they would be necessary. The LORD was so merciful and would continue to calm me each time I didn’t think I could make it. In the middle of the night when I would wake up and not be able to sleep because worry would overtake me I had this certain song come to mind as if He were speaking it to me Himself. Week by week went by until I finally had that midwife appointment at 11 1/2 weeks where we heard the heartbeat and knew that this time was different. I’d like to say that after that it has been a piece of cake but that would be a lie. Although, I have been GREATLY relieved after the heartbeat I have still continued to have some fear and am still dependent on My Daddy to get me through each day, each week, each month. And He continues to whisper to me…peace be still.

Sorry, this turned into such a rambler!!! I was really just going to get on here and write that first paragraph!