So I posted this afternoon with the intention of sharing a story and got carried away and forgot! All of that about this new realm of understanding that I am experiencing with my Daddy was to lead into what happened to me yesterday.

An old friend of my 13 year old was having his 15th birthday party and invited my son to come. They had not seen one another since his birthday party a year ago so when I took my son to the party I didn’t feel like I could just drop him off but felt the need to go inside and catch up with his mother and some of the other adults that I hadn’t seen since last year at this time. We all used to go to the same church together years ago but have since all scattered and while we all still care about each other we are not as close as we once were. Anyway, during the conversation one of the ladies said, “So, is James (my dh) babysitting?” and I acknowledged that he was, indeed. She continued with, ” I remember last year you brought the kids with you and you were carrying one inside!”, she said this with a big smile on her face, “and your story about how you found out that you were carrying that one was so beautiful. I just loved that!”. I was so dumbstruck, realizing that she never heard that I lost it and still thought that I had given birth to a baby this summer, and said, “yes, but we ended up losing that one.” Obviously, she did not hear me and went on to say, “You know that there will never be any doubt that that child was meant to be!” Oh, boy that hurt. I didn’t know what to say at that point. I just awkwardly said, “yeah” and changed the subject quickly. At that point, I didn’t want to make her feel bad by repeating that we never had that baby so I just continued on with the conversations with everyone and left as soon as I could.

My mind was reeling when I got into my van as I tried to let it go and not let it send me into darkness again. It was freezing cold and I was shivering and shaken emotionally as I sat down behind the steering wheel and cranked up the engine. As soon as it started up, though, my Daddy gave me a big ol’ hug. “My” miscarriage song came pouring out of the radio. It is the first song that ever ministered to me after our very first loss and it truly feels like a big hug from Heaven. I just smiled and determined that I could handle a little more pain because I know that I am being Held. Now, if that’s not God being a Daddy…I don’t know what is!