My cycle has been so weird this month and I have no idea when to expect AF. It’s making me a little crazy, I have to say. By the calendar I should begin a fresh month around Wednesday…just 3 days away. However, I think that I O’d last Monday…not even a week ago. Normally, I am dreading getting my period but now that I’m anxious to get pregnant again and start my Estrobalance it can’t get here soon enough. So frustrating.

I’m planning a baby shower for one of my best friends. I’m having a lot of fun doing it and it’s coming together well. She’s due any day and I’m hoping that we can all pull it off before the baby arrives. She’s starting to get “that look” like it is just minutes away. I know that can go on for a while, though. I’m so excited about her new little girl finally arriving into this big world, but I know that there will be some bittersweetness for me. We were pregnant together at one point and talked about how close in age our children were going to be and how much fun they would have together. Her children match my children in ages and it looked like we were just continuing that trend. Her sweet baby will be a reminder that mine isn’t here. At the same time, though, I’m grateful for a baby to hold even if it’s not my own and I can’t wait to meet her.

I love this song so much. I am so grateful to have a God bigger than anything life can throw at me and He is SO worthy to be praised.

I hit such a low point last night. Pondering 2007 was difficult since it was one of the hardest years that my husband and I have endured since we were married. Not only did we suffer through 2 miscarriages, but it has been hard all the way around on so many levels. A year full of challenges and lessons and wake up calls. As the clock drew closer to midnight last night I realized that I was becoming fearful of 2008. I realized that I was just plain scared to death to go through another year like this past one or one that could be even harder. Fortunately, my husband came to the rescue and we had a good talk before bed and once again he reassured me and inspired me to not give in to the fear and despair. We talked through some issues that needed addressing and made some productive plans and goal setting for the near future. I went to bed feeling much more at ease and ready to welcome the new year.

Looking back I know that last year was a turning point for us. Through our circumstances we have learned a valuable lesson in that we need to be more proactive in our lives. Surrendering to God’s will for our life doesn’t mean just spending each day just letting it happen to us and that is how we have lived for so long…letting life happen. The LORD has shown us that we need to live our life surrendered to His will for sure but we need to be listening to Him more in every situation. He has shown us that He has some amazing plans for us. He has given us ideas that we would never have thought of on our own and opened doors that we could not have foreseen. We know that He is working all things together for our good. We just need to be patient as it all comes to fruition.

Through all the hardship that we have endured the most amazing product of it all is that we pray. Yes, we have always prayed but now we pray everyday with each other. Our day always starts with spending some time together and then praying together. We put each day in God’s hands together and even though we have still had to go through the storms we can see that they continue to lead us into a deeper understanding of ourselves and God. So, I guess I could look at 2007 as the best year in our life so far. Maybe it was the hardest, but through all the hurt and struggle we have become stronger, more purposeful, closer to each other and closer to the LORD. I can’t wait to see what He has in store in 2008.