Okay, my headache is way better today and I feel pretty good for the most part. It is hard for me to believe that I haven’t eaten anything since Thursday night and I’m not hungry. I still want to eat but I’m not hungry. I just miss the taste of food. I found that making the children dinner tonight wasn’t that hard. Just being near food and going through a food routine was somehow comforting and not difficult at all. However, my biggest challenge is watching them eat and then when they leave perfectly good food on their plates. It is so hard not to just pop it into my mouth! Today, my husband busted open a big bag of tortilla chips and black bean dip and I felt anger well up instantly. How could he DARE eat right in front of me???:-) I find that it is best just to stay away from where others are eating.

My husband and I had a talk this morning about the miscarriage. He has been way more affected than he has been letting on and he’s having a hard time. You know, when women miscarry other women tend to, at least, try to comfort us but usually say very little to the father. At least, that has been our experience. Other men may basically say “sorry, man” but they don’t seem to offer the same support that a woman does even if they have gone through it themselves. Between being strong for the mom and men just not discussing such things with one another it can be very tough on the dad. Men are expected to get over it quicker, too, and it’s not just something that you can snap out of. He lost a baby, too. I remember the morning before we went to the ultrasound one of the first things he said was, “I’m really excited about having another baby!”. He had said that many times before and I know that he wanted the baby but it was how he said it that day that was unique, like he’d finally really come to terms with what it all meant to him and to me and to us all as a family. He’d mulled it over in his brain time and time again and could finally say with complete confidence that, yes, he was ready for this. I already had my suspicions at that point that the ultrasound was not going to go well and a little piece of my heart broke when he said that. I know that more than a little piece of his broke just a few hours later. I am resolved to make a conscious effort to not forget to offer a comforting word to the next dad I know that loses a baby.